How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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