I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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