Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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