I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize