this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
