i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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