It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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