Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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