Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
