You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
