Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wear drunk well.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
