Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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