So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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