Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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