I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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