I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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