omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize