Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
