so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
