alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize