he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize