she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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