I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
