you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
