So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
