we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
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I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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