so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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