ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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