Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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