So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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