Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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