Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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