I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to have your abortion
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
