I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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