I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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