the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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