I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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