My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
