I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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