How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
