My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"