can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car