you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram