Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down