Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful