Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
