Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
