What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
