Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask