I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit