wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful