Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.