I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can I color on your dick again?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.