dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?