She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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