You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize