Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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