So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry about my life...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
