wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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