you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
two words...techno handjob
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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